5 More Hilariously Bad (or just plain bad) Horror Movies
by Ronnie Angel
(WA State)
1.) DEMONWARP (1988)
Okay, see if you can follow along with this from start to finish on my viewing of the insane roller coaster of craptacity that is Demonwarp. Here was my thinking upon viewing... okay, its a bigfoot movie... okay, a typical 1980s slasher/teen bodycount bigfoot movie... Wait, what the hell? Random zombies in the woods? Ummm, okay... Aliens now!!?? Aliens that turn people into zombies and bigfoots!!?? Confused yet? Yep. It sure was.
Even my favorite member of the Kennedy family, George Kennedy
(lets see who gets that cheesy joke!) couldn't save this one. I say back away, don't watch today or any day!
2.) Garden Of The Dead (1974)
Like a bastard child of Reefer Madness comes this pointless tale of prisoners who spend their free time huffing formaldehyde. Sounds like good times. Of course, the hopped up rednecks get shot trying to escape and turn into zombies and blah blah blah. At under an hour long and with seemingly ZERO budget (the zombie makeup was dark circles around the eyes and the "prison" is surrounded with chicken wire if that helps), I gotta ask, why in the deep blue hell did this even get made? Next!
3.) Camp Blood 1,2,3,4 through part 42
Speaking of low budgets! I would be insane not to include these ones! Looking like it was shot on a hand held camera with the directors close friends (or people picked up at a local bus station) as the talentless cast stalked in what looks like the hills outside of LA by a very unscary killer in a 99 cent K-Mart clown mask. I think this amateur high school art project would have been better off left on YouTube. Need I say more?
4.) One Missed Call (2007)
This was just... just... just fucking horrible! I'm still trying to repress the memories of wasting an hour and a half on this. I sat through the whole damn thing and why!? This one can join the Mannequin movies and Pootie Tang among the worst movies ever made.
5.) Death Bed The Bed That Eats (1977)
Honestly, after hearing comedian Patton Oswalts rant about this movie, I set out on a quest to watch it. How could you turn down a movie about a bed eating people? Obviously, I wasn't expecting much in terms of quality based on Patton's description and what I read. I was looking forward to more of a Plan 9 from Outer Space type viewing, you can't help but love it. The two main characters are a lamenting painting(!) and a murderous bed (kind of reminds me of the movie Homer Simpson tried to pitch to Ron Howard on the Simpsons about the killer robot driving instructor with the talking pie friend) that both house souls who, like most of the cast, seem to communicate through telekinesis, as there is not much conventional verbal "acting" (lip movement) and when there is, its god awful. The "effects" are hilarious, with an odd yellow foamy thing surrounding the victims from the bed. This movie is just weird for the sake of being weird I guess. Watch for the scene when the group having an orgy on the bed gets eaten, or the bed getting heartburn and having to chug Pepto Bismol. I couldn't make this stuff up!
Honorable Mention:
The Gingerdead Man - Despite being insanely stupid and cheesy, how could you not love the always whacked out Gary Busey playing a Chucky-ish serial killer Gingerbread Man?
Entertaining enough.
Well I hope you enjoyed another journey through Crappy Cinema with me. Rest assured I will be back with more as there are always bad movies coming out!
