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5 More Horrible Movies to Avoid - Part 3
by Ronnie Angel
(WA)
Ahhhhh. These lists are always so much fun to do, what with the over abundance of crappy cinema out there. Here's another terrific trek onto the nightmare highway of movie induced migraines and wasted time:
Quicksilver Highway
Wow. This movie is incredibly horrible. For god's sake, this is a story about killer chattering teeth. Let me repeat, KILLER CHATTERING TEETH, LIKE THE TOY! The next story is about appendages like hands, feet, etc, revolting. What, what, what, what??!! The killer body parts even have laughable squeaky high voices as if the premise is not bad enough! Even Christopher Lloyd can't save this one, especially since hes dressed up like a gay biker ala Rob Halford throughout the movie, so you cant take him too seriously. How was this ever made?
Christmas Evil (1980)
Aka You Better Watch Out, aka Terror In Toyland, aka Big waste of friggin time! I honestly don't know what to make of this one. Is it some heartwarming holiday movie? A psycho serial killing Santa movie? I don't think the makers of this could figure it either, and tried to have it both ways, with disastrous results. A crazy factory worker lives like Pee Wee Herman and dances and prances and give presents to little kids and teaches us the meaning of Christmas... and randomly kills a few people along the way, and rather gruesomely. Ugh.
The Forest
Never before have I seen a movie so unintentionally laughable as The Forest. The most slow moving, unscary, old man in a trucker hat as the killer film that goes from night to day and back again in the same scene. Throw in a few ghosts of the trucker guys dead family members roaming the woods(!), horrible acting and laughably bad "fight" scenes and you got one hell of a crap filled shindig on your hands. Yee-Haw!
Disconnected
Boring. Boring. Stupid. Cops that don't look like cops at all. Bad Acting. More Stupidity. Blah!
Black Witch Project
Okay, yes, I get that its suppose to be a spoof, but like the 'insert name here' Movie spoof series that's been plaguing society lately, its just simply not funny at all, but downright stupid. Here's something from the movie so you get the point: "Hey there's a crazy killer coming at us with a knife!" "ok, run!" A minute later: "ok, everything is back to normal", then "oh my god, a killer!"... I'm sure you get the point, eh? Avoid at all costs to save your brain cells.
Well, take it someone who knows, this is crap you have to avoid. Remember, I'm subjecting myself to this punishment for the greater good of all of you!
Thanks for reading.
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