DVD
Release: 2001 Written by: Loose adaptation of novel written by Tom
Savage Directed by: Jamie Blanks
Starring:
Denise Richards as Paige Prescott David Boreanaz as Adam Carr Marley Shelton as Kate Davies Jessica Capshaw as Dorothy Wheeler Jessica Cauffiel as Lily Voight Katherine Heigl as Shelley Fisher
I am a big fan of the
slasher film genre. I own all of
Jason’s, Freddy’s and Michael’s movies. I
also have in my collection the obscure ones like Night
School
and Happy
Birthday to Me. Valentine
looked promising so I purchased the DVD without viewing the film first
or reading any reviews. I took it on face value
because it had been mentioned that Jamie Blanks, the director of this
and Urban Legend was
well versed in the intricacies
of the slasher film. I can still feel the sting of my error.
Valentine
starts out well enough. During a high school Valentine’s Day
party, Jeremy Melton, an outcast geek, is put down and made fun of by
five girls in a row that he asks to dance, then finds one to accept. A
young Dorothy accepts the invite and goes further by taking young
Jeremy under the bleachers for some smooching.
After the two of them are caught
down there by some school bullies, Dorothy lies and says that Jeremy
attacked her - and does nothing as the bullies publicly ridicule Jeremy
by stripping him and beating him up in front of the entire school.
Fast forward thirteen years; one
of the girls who turned down Jeremy’s dance invitation,
Shelley (Katherine Heigl), receives a rather morbid
Valentine’s Day card - and is subsequently murdered
by a killer wearing a cupid’s mask. The other four girls that
had turned down Jeremy years earlier reunite at Shelley’s
funeral, and start receiving threatening cards and messages themselves.
I wonder who it could be?
I will try to be as nice as
I can possibly be. Jamie Blanks does not have an original thought in
his head. Even though he also directed Urban Legend,
he must have lucked out with a fairly decent screenplay because, even
with its numerous flaws, it was still way better than Valentine.
I understand that Mr. Blanks is
trying to emulate the greats such as
Carpenter, Argento, and Raimi, but someone needs to show him where the
line between emulation and blatant rip-off is.
What makes Valentine
so bad? Well, for starters, all you have to do is change masks and the
killer becomes Michael
Myers, knife and all. The characters are more
stupid than your average slasher film character. The only thing that
would have made the cast any more lame would have been to add Paris
Hilton to the mix.
The ending was beyond
predictable. There was no suspense to be found. There are more plot
holes than a brick of Swiss cheese. The over use of bad
cliché’s make this film a waste of time.
In writing this review, I hope
to make other connoisseurs of the genre aware that Valentine
is yet another fraud lurking around trying to pass itself off as a
slasher film. I also hope to show new comers that there is more out
there than this, and they should not have to settle for drivel to
experience horror. If just one person reads this and learns from my
mistake then it will all be worth it and I will have some how been vindicated.
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and 
. Valentine
looked promising so I purchased the DVD without viewing the film first
or reading any reviews. I took it on face value
because it had been mentioned that Jamie Blanks, the director of this
and 
was
well versed in the intricacies
of the slasher film. I can still feel the sting of my error.
Valentine
starts out well enough. During a high school Valentine’s Day
party, Jeremy Melton, an outcast geek, is put down and made fun of by
five girls in a row that he asks to dance, then finds one to accept. A
young Dorothy accepts the invite and goes further by taking young
Jeremy under the bleachers for some smooching.
I will try to be as nice as
I can possibly be. Jamie Blanks does not have an original thought in
his head. Even though he also directed Urban Legend,
he must have lucked out with a fairly decent screenplay because, even
with its numerous flaws, it was still way better than Valentine.
