Watching Creepshow 3 Requires an Unwavering Constitution for Crappy Movies
Watching Creepshow 3 requires a whole lot of tequila if you are going to make it to the end. At some point I realized that the individual stories all went together somehow, and then asked myself why I should care.
Written by BHM Contributor Ronnie Angel
March 26, 2008
Release: 2006
Directed by: Ana Clavell and James Glenn Dudelson
Starring:
Stephanie Pettee as Alice
AJ Bowen as Jerry
Camille Lacey as Rachael
Emmett McGuire as Professor Dayton
Kris Allen as Dr. Farwell
Why, oh why, do some people think its a good idea to dredge up good (or in this case okay) movies from the past and make a horrible sequel years after the original that just seems to fly over mainstream audiences heads going direct to video. These films only make people stop mid-aisle in the new releases section of the video store and say "what the hell is going on here?" Who ever thought that was a good idea? Is it for nostalgia purposes? Very rarely does it work.
Remakes are one thing, but this forgotten sequel business is a whole new horrible monster (see Return to House on Haunted Hill, etc.) that needs to be stopped. Usually they are cheap knockoffs that fall well short of the expectations laid years before. Creepshow 3 is a good example of what I’m talking about. Let's go through it scene by scene, shall we?
Story 1: Alice
Not much can really be said about this one. Some teenage girl's remote control changes everything around her with the push of a button. Kind of like "Click" but 75 minutes shorter, horribly acted and not making a damn bit of sense. Started reaching for the tequila watching this one… and a hammer to smash my TV. I was honestly contemplating returning the DVD... pretty bad for being only a few minutes long, eh? NEXT!
Story 2: The Radio
Man lives in a crappy apartment building infested with druggies and hookers. Man buys new radio. Radio is alive! Radio falls in love with man, becomes like nagging wife. Radio makes man kill druggies and hookers. Pimp kills man. Pimp also has his own "radio love" it turns out. Can't make this shit I up even if I tried. I'd have more fun reading a shampoo bottle for two hours than watching this. Next!
Story 3: Call Girl
I started to realize that these stories are all connected in some way, then wondered why I should even care. This one is about a serial killer hooker. She gets called to visit some nerdy kid in the burbs… and kills him. Only problem is he is some kind of vampire (not really explained until later) who has made it his goal to kill and eat her, even though she stabbed him in the chest. Odd, I thought for sure chest-stabs killed vampires. Anyways, Blah, blah, blah, time for more tequila!
Story 4: The Professors Wife
Morbid curiosity was all that brought me this far in Creepshow 3. You know, when you know it’s a bad movie but you stick it out anyways until the end just to say you did? I was surprised here though. I actually got a kick out of this story in some sick way.
A nutty old Doc Brown-ish/Willy Wonka-ish Professor is getting married soon, so he invites two of his top former students. They arrive at his house and meet his oddly Stepford-ish wife to be. When the Prof. leaves for an errand run, the boys become convinced she is in fact a robot(!) and set about to find her ON/Off switch to prank their poor old teacher. Of course they really search her for the switch, by which I mean knocking her out in order to tear her to pieces in their search. Quite a prank, eh? Actually, this one was quite funny, in a sick way.
Story 5: Haunted Dog
The final story is mildly entertaining as well. A doctor, who is a real prick in an actually quite hilarious way, is doing community service at a free clinic when he gives a hotdog (which he dropped on the ground) to a starving bum… who chokes on it and dies. The angry spirit of the bum proceeds to haunt the strung out doctor as he parties all nite and works hungover all day, and finally gets his revenge. Like I said, mildly entertaining - not real good.
Well, I made it through this Creepshow 3 crap-fest just for you, the people of BHM, and killed several brain cells in the process. Don't ever say I never did anything for you.
Remember, I warned you about Creepshow 3, so watch at your own risk! Questions or comments about Creepshow 3? Contact us!
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