Ghoulies Left Me Begging to be Scared
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Ghoulies proves the theory that when you look up a movie on a website and the first keyword that comes up is “toilet” you know you’re in trouble. Ordinarily any film that features a pair of demonic midgets would be guaranteed to scary the holy sh*t out of me, but this film just fell a bit short of the mark.
Written by BHM Contributor�Tom Heffernan
May 27, 2008
Buy from Amazon
Release: March 2, 1985 (U.S.)
Directed by: Luca Bercovici
Written by: Luca Bercovici and Jefery Levy
Starring:
Peter Liapis as Jonathan Graves
Lisa Pelikan as Rebecca
Michael Des Barres as Malcolm Graves
Jack Nance as Wolfgang
Peter Risch as Grizzel
Tamara De Treaux as Greedigut
Ghoulies is a pretty poor excuse for any kind of film, much less a horror. I mean, for one thing, the Ghoulies of the title appear to be peripheral characters at best, while some blonde sorcerer guy is the actual movie monster of this film. What a giant let down. I was expecting at least a cheap version of�Gremlins, or some decent gore, or at the very least a nice pair of naked breasts to look at, but this movie had none of that. This is supposed to be a "fun" horror movie, I said to myself, examining the cover to see if the pimply geek at the video store put the wrong DVD in the box… but no, alas, the movie's just sh*t. The Ghoulies are cute, not slimy and gross, I wanted to trap one and take him home as a pet. It's billed as a Horror/Comedy, but after searching in vain for the horror I gave up on finding any comedy either. It's about�as funny as a case of gastro. Okay, I lie: I laughed at sorcerer boy and his eye make-up, and giggled a couple times at the atrocious acting, but that's about it.
But more than that, it's just plain boring. I was begging to be scared, or shocked, or even mildly entertained, but as the minutes ticked by I realized that hope was forlorn.
I must admit I did enjoy the freaky clown though. Best acting in the entire film, and I'm one of those people that's always found clowns freaky. But any movie that makes me start absently humming "I gotta wear shades" can never be counted among my favorites, or even among those I'd watch again, ever. I'm referring of course to the stoner idiot who never takes his off. People that wear sunglasses indoors should be shot.
Jonathan (Peter Liapis) and his girlfriend Rebecca (Lisa Pelikan) have just moved into his late father's mansion, which Jonathan has inherited. Daddy was a Satanist who liked to perform magic rituals in the basement, so naturally Jonathan has picked up this little genetic anomaly, and he begins to do it himself. No sooner has he barked a few spells he's conjured some puppets and - whoa, what's that? Daddy's back from the dead too, oh and before I forget, he also conjures two midgets, as you do. Personally I prefer 'em in threes, but whatever.
Well, a bunch of Jonathan and Rebecca's friends die in the ensuing chaos before Johnnie has a show down with his sorcerer dad and saves the day. As the end credits of Ghoulies began to roll I sat there wondering if there was any possible way I could take out my disappointed frustration on that pimply geek at the video store. Hmmm… maybe I'll just go watch Gremlins instead. Or clean my toilet. Questions or comments about Ghoulies? Talk about it on The Ossuary Forums!
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