Hack Job is a Low Budget Independent Horror Film About Making a Low Budget Independent Horror Film
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Hack Job has an impressive cult-following cast and music from GWAR. Well, kind of. Reports of the high fidelity appearances in this film are highly overrated.
Written by The Horror Czar
December 28, 2011
Release: TBD
Written and Directed by: James Balsamo
Starring:
Debbie Rochon as Astral Angel
Lloyd Kaufman as Rabbi Lloyd/Himself
Lynn Lowry as Talent Agent
Dave Brockie as Duke/Defendor
James Balsamo as James Argento/ Allen/ Butch/ Mark
Although the credits of Hack Job begin with Debbie Rochon and Lloyd Kaufman and then lead down to the “lowly” Dave Brockie and James Balsamo at the end, this film should really be called “The James Balsamo Show”. James and his buddy Dave presumably happen upon a script that they believe will allow them to create an Indie horror movie and have lots of blood, gore and boobs. In fact, every time they say any word used to describe female breasts some topless chick walks onto the screen to show everyone exactly what they are talking about.
James brings his script to his agent (Lynn Lowry, who was great) and ultimately to Lloyd Kaufman in hopes of having it produced into their dream movie.
The description of Hack Job is actually multi-purpose – it is the description, the basis for the largely improvised script, the plotline and the purpose. Not much happens in this film other than our hero going from person to person trying to produce this film, and small snippets of what the film would actually be about as it’s being pitched to one person or another. Well, that is actually encompassed in the description too because this film is about two guys trying to get a film produced, the film being about two guys trying to get a film produced. Plus show boobs.
There are two huge gripes I have with Hack Job. The first is that it isn’t about anything other than the writer and director James Balsamo wanting to make a film and star in one, story be damned. And since the story is based on the actual truth that there wasn’t really a film to make so Balsamo decided he was just going to make one, and have the film be about the fact that he wanted to make a film, there isn’t really any value at all. I would rather have sat in a bar with Balsamo and listened to him talk about how much he wants to make a film, and boobs.
The second gripe is a ton of false advertising. It is very common to
have cameos of known performers in an Indie film (or a studio film for
that matter) with the primary purpose being the marketing opportunities
afforded by having a name actor in the film. Lloyd Kaufman, who plays
(shockingly) himself in Hack Job is a special circumstance
because he wants so much to support Independent horror 
that
he will just about be in any film asked of him it seems, and in this
one he plays a pretty major role as an Indie film producer who just
might make an Indie film with Balsamo. What kills me is the hype
surrounding the inclusion of the ravishing Debbie
Rochon.
Rochon has one 15-second scene where she appears in a dream sequence, the likes of which could have been filmed from the comfort of her home with a handi-cam. Not exactly top billing stuff, but her stature with many of us who appreciate the Indie horror scene makes her name a big selling point. It was Rochon’s inclusion in the film, in fact, that prompted me to request a screener for review. So, Balsamo put as much of Rochon into the film as he could afford, which wasn’t much, and then promoted her as a leading role. What crap.
The promotional materials trumpeted the inclusion of GWAR in the film as well, and I guess they were in it. Maybe that guy in the suit in that one scene that I’ve tried to put out of my mind was a member of GWAR. I’m not sure.
In all, Hack Job is an attempt by James Balsamo at promoting James Balsamo under the pretense of creating Indie horror. I wish he had just bought me a beer instead.
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