The 2005 Horror Movie It Waits
has a Certified Hottie in the Lead Role
It Waits also has a monster
reminiscent of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. We are still waiting
for more than that.
Review Written by DeWayne H.
Strickland March 11, 2007
Release:
2005 Directed by: Steven R. Monroe Written by: Richard Christian Matheson, Thomas
Szollosi and Stephen J. Cannell
Starring:
Cerina Vincent as Danielle 'Danny' St. Claire Dominic Zamprogna as Justin Rawley Greg Kean as Rick Bailey Eric Schweig as Joseph Riverwind
Imagine viewing a combination of the first week of Britney
Spear's rehab and a beautiful forest hiding a deep dark secret. That
effectively describes It Waits. Our hero is an
alcoholic female forest ranger who drinks on the job while using her
handy dandy laptop to browse the Internet. Being in the woods,
drinking, surfing the net and blabbering on a C.B. sounds great, until
the dark woods brings forth a heavy breathing monster to terrorize the
heavy drinking hot chick!
The part of It Waits you will want to fast-forward
through is the bar drinking background flash-back. Two beautiful women
drink away like sailors and let me say, their not just drinking a few
beers but hitting grandpa's cough medicine hard! These girls are just
asking for trouble when they decide to drive away and one dies in a
fatal crash. The lesson here is, if you drink to get drunk, sleep on
the bathroom floor. The horrific trauma caused by what you find on the
floor will provide the perfect horror experience. I love rest stop
bathrooms the best. The writings carved on the bathroom walls are very
educational and psychotic. But I digress…
Danielle
'Danny' St. Claire (Cerina Vincent from Cabin Fever, 2002) is the
survivor of the terrifying drunken vehicle crash, and now drinks away
her sorrows as the park ranger. Then the monster comes.
The creature in It Waits looks like a modernized
"Creature from The Black Lagoon." If you genetically splice cells from
the Black Lagoon creature with the demon from Jeepers Creepers you
will have a mental image of this lurking, prowling, heavy breathing
beast. This thing does look creepy enough to scare me to death, but I
would scream like a cheerleader in a school bus accident if Michael
Jackson came flying out of the woods too. Now that would be a Thriller.
It is
worth noting that there is no nudity in It Waits.
This brings up an important question: Do we watch horror movies to see
nudity and get scared or do we watch them to see scary nudity? Cervina
Vincent is totally hot and extremely voluptuous, so I would put It
Waits in the “see nudity and get scared”
category.
In a nutshell It Waits will keep your attention
like a child with ADD. As you wait it will become clear why the movie
is called “It Waits”. You will wait and wait for
something horrific to happen. Then there will be some eye-candy, then
you will twiddle your thumbs, mumble a “ho-hum” and
then a good scene happens. The good scenes are like seeing a pretty
girl at a librarian convention, few and far between.
It
Waits would be good as a Friday night college keg party type
of movie, where you invite some girls over and scare them throughout
the long boring scenes. That might be the only way to keep It
Waits interesting and keep yourself going…at least
without Viagra.
If you yourself are going through
rehab then you will find some scary movie moments in It Waits.
The delirious tremors Cervina Vincent experiences while going through
de-tox are scary indeed. You can watch It Waits to
see the after-effects of addiction, or you can just ask Britney the
next time you see her. I recommend the latter. Questions
or comments about It Waits? Contact us!
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