10 Valentine’s Day Horror Movies to Slay Your Loved One!
Who doesn’t love a little romance intermingled with their terror? Valentine’s Day has always been, and always will be a marquee day for the horror genre. Few elements combine with the effect of fear and love, and fans have long taken notice. To be honest, it’s almost hard to avoid the meeting of these emotions. Countless features toss thick romance in the midst of a nightmarish scenario.
David Moreau and Xavier Palud made it work wonderfully in their home invasion flick, Them (Ils); Michael Haneke accomplished the same with the supremely eerie Funny Games. John Carpenter created an intricate love affair between a confused, possessed young Arnie Cuningham and his lifelike Plymouth Fury, Christine. Ruben Fleischer proved romance can thrive even during a zombie apocalypse with hsi magnetic Zombieland, just as Danny Boyle managed in his intricate and thickly layered 28 Days Later.
Love and terror go hand in hand. And that makes Valentine’s Day the perfect celebratory event for the avid horror follower. There are countless features that could be illuminated for a list of this nature, but we here at BHM will keep this piece controlled, and harness our focus. Check out ten flicks perfectly suited for the 14th of February.
10. Lovers Lane: There’s no getting around the fact that this is a hokey little flick. Shot on a limited budget, I’m not wholly convinced that director Jon Steven Ward’s vision was accurately transferred to film. However, as questionable as some of the cinematography, set pieces, story decisions and performances are, this Valentine’s Day themed shocker works. It’s rooted in the (now) mythical Lover’ Lane (kid’s have gotten quite savvy over the decades) locale, and that obviously works as a fine setup for a seasonal offering. Once you get past the minor hiccups, and the fact that this is a feature that boasts a whole lot of similarities to George Mihalka’s classic My Bloody Valentine, it’s rather enjoyable.
09. Teeth: Sometimes you’ve got to give your lady the satisfactory edge when it comes to viewing lineups. Want to please your lady this year for Valentine’s Day? How about showing her a feature fueled by grim feminism. The woman takes complete control of the reigns of this often excessive but constantly hilarious social statement. Vagina Dentata is one extremely daring script center, but it works surprisingly well. This one isn’t flawless, but it’s a blast and the perfect shock and awe feature for Valentine’s Day viewing. Men, prepare to instinctively reach for your crotch while screening this one. Women, try to hold back that sinister grin... we’ll sleep better believing you’re not enjoying Teeth as much as you likely will.
08. Valentine: Valentine is one of those slasher films that earned a far worse wrap than it actually deserved. Sure it’s cliche on just about every front, and sure half of these characters work as little more than cardboard cutouts, and yes, there’s nothing but predictability in store for viewers, for the first two thirds of the film. The final act however offers up a few tricky little twists that are surprisingly enjoyable. I’m not out to ruin the grand finale, but I’ve got to say, Valentine is worth a go, especially this time of year. We’ve got a killer running around in an eerie valentine mask, some intriguing death scenes, a slew of attractive women, and of course that rewarding finale.
If you’re familiar with Terror Train - one of Jamie Lee Curtis’ early treasures - you’ll notice quite a few striking similarities between both productions.
07. The Blob (1958): The Blob isn’t all about Valentine’s Day celebration, or extensive romantic stretches, but there’s a strong stream of personal passion that runs throughout the duration of the film, and it’s quite endearing while functioning appropriately for a Valentine’s Day viewing experience. Where’s the magic in this one you ask? It’s in Steve McQueen’s deep connection to his character Steve Andrews and his very believable connection to co-star Aneta Corsaut who portrays Jane Martin. These two are magic when sharing frame, and The Blob, even with that ridiculous theme song, still earns an annual Valentine’s Day viewing in my household.
It shouldn’t work... but it does!
06. Candyman: Candyman is a terrifying film. From the outset to final credits, this one is creepy. Tony Todd’s deep, sensual voice is borderline erotic, and his intricate seduction of Virginia Madsen’s character, Helen Lyle is the thing of sadomasochistic dreams. This is just an absurdly sexual production that excites, frightens and completely hypnotizes. Candyman’s not a film designed for a lighthearted evening, but if you’ve got a craving for dark, stimulating sexuality, this is a piece of timeless art that will leave you engulfed in a shameful state of arousal that somehow... doesn’t feel as though it’s all that shameful!
05. The Loved Ones: Obsession can not only be unnerving, it can be fatal. Princess, of The Loved Ones reminds young horny men that nubile young sex-pots can be outright psychotic. We live in a society in which teenagers (often females) go so far as to commit suicide when relationships crumble. That’s a fact, and it’s both disgusting and horribly sad. Think about the power of extreme obsession, and the limitless possibilities when brought to film. The Loved Ones doesn’t deposit Princess in the self-deprecating, depressed suicidal category, it puts her in the furious, out of control murderous category. And holy shit is the whole debacle believable!
The Loved Ones should leave both you and your loved one utterly flabbergasted. It’s an awe inspiring flick that seems as though it was created with the intention of occupying Valentine’s Day TV time... it’s just... damn near perfect.
04. Warm Bodies: This list wouldn’t be complete without at least one fun, light-hearted flick with just as many laughs as flying brain chunks sailing in the direction of the viewer. Warm Bodies brings the quirky comedy to the foreground, but the humanity of the film creates the perfectly successful paradox. Nothing about the story should work, but it does, with virtually zero misses. The gore is appeasing, the story is clever and quite bold, and the performances are quite memorable. Jonathan Levine’s cinematic transfer of Isaac Marion’s masterpiece of a novel falls a bit short of the source, but it’s a wildly entertaining ride that turns the bowels and tugs at the heart. This is a top notch Valentine’s Day pick!
03. Let the Right One In: You want to experience some outrageously uncomfortable sexual under-tones and underage romantic connections? Let the Right One In will sate your... eccentric appetite. Now, understand that while this picture is crammed full of really intense, unsettling scenes, it’s also crafted in faultless fashion with so many technical strengths that it’s virtually impossible to not respect the movie. It’s gorgeous on all fronts with wonderfully bleak atmosphere and cinematography so impressive it might lead you to re-evaluate your current occupation.
Let the Right One In crosses virtually every moral line conceivable, and yet somehow director Tomas Alfredson’s vision is so finely tuned he never once compromises integrity.
02. My Bloody Valentine 3D: This 2009 remake of a classic 1980‘s slasher homerun is every bit as enjoyable as the original. We’ve got Harry Warden back on screen, a very capable young cast guiding us through this modernization, and a fun, well-assembled script to take in. The gore is great, and Betsy Rue’s nude scene jumps out in mind; not because it’s incredibly sexy, but rather, because it’s one of the most awkward full frontal shots you’ll ever witness on film. It’s an effective sequence, but it’s most definitely not sexually stimulating, in the least. This is a great remake that is well worth a look!
01. My Bloody Valentine: My Bloody Valentine: The Holy Grail of Valentine’s Day horror. This 1981 slasher is a top notch flick that went largely ignored for a number of years. Un-be-lievable! Quality acting and palpable tension work as the foundation of the picture, but Harry Warden, the crazed, murderous miner is the meat on the bones. This menace is frightening, both conceptually and visually, and he’s got great motivation for his actions. The film’s twist changes viewers’ every perception, and that seems to make the impact of the production all the more powerful. This is fun, top to bottom, and if you opt to pass on the 2009 remake this year, be sure to toss this one in the disc player. My Bloody Valentine is an absolute must see for February 14th!
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