Porkchop is a Throwback to the Slashers and Shot-on-Video Flicks of the 80s
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Porkchop is yet another in the proud horror subgenre, “kids stalked in the woods by a homicidal maniac”. This one’s different though. This one’s got a killer in a pig mask!
Written by James “Crypticpsych” Lasome
January 4, 2011
Release: December 6, 2011 (U.S. DVD)
Directed by: Eamon Hardiman
Written by: Eamon Hardiman and Zack Bassham
Starring:
Ruby LaRocca as Deborah
Charles Sullivan as Mike
Chris Woodall as Richie
Brandon Raker as Ian
Danny Hicks as Elron
Mike (Charles Sullivan) and his girlfriend Deborah (Ruby LaRocca) have decided to go camping out in the wilderness of West Virginia. They’ve even brought along some friends and acquaintances like Deborah’s nerdy younger brother, Richie (Chris Woodall), Richie’s fully-functioning robot, Elron (Danny Hicks), and the British exchange student, Ian (Brandon Raker). Along the way, the group stops at a convenience store, and are told to head over to Camp Wood, a different camp than originally planned, for the prospect of more likely sex. They agree, ignoring the dire warnings of a random crazed hermit (Richard Kempf), and head out to the abandoned location. Little do they know that the area’s legends about a homicidal maniac raised alongside pigs might just be real.
Porkchop is another entry in two subgenres: the slasher and
the “Grindhouse-inspired
throwback”. In this case, the movie
is not only a tribute to the slasher’s 1980s heyday, but also an homage
to the slew of shot-on-video horror films spawned from the video
cameras of low-budget directors. The second half of that is
particularly apparent in 
this movie’s roughly $10,000
budget,
serviceable but not exactly HD cinematography, and continuity errors (a
fight over radio stations that has no music… a croquet ball used to
kill someone suddenly reappears at the killer’s feet). However,
Hardiman and Bassham’s script is a little more interesting than just
fitting neatly into those two boxes as the duo have made a movie that
stands out due to a healthy dose of surreality. This is a movie in
which the “Crazy Ralph” archetype is so random that he just pops up
from behind the chip display, completely out of nowhere. It’s a movie
where references to the 80s and character clothing that looks straight
out of the era are coupled with an honest-to-God fake robot with a
penchant for trying to embarrass and shame his creator, something that
wouldn’t be unwelcome in some other slashers.
That’s not to say the movie doesn’t know exactly what it is. It’s an 80s slasher tribute, first and foremost, and has the requisite few blood, boobs, and booze to back it up. It’s just also got a twisted sense of humor to it and undeniable talent in its script brought to life by generally unannoying characters played by actors giving good performances. Deserving of special praise is Brandon Raker’s “Ian” who makes a generic, loud-mouthed British stereotype memorable by how the character just seems to flow from him effortlessly. Also good is Chris Woodall’s “Richie”, a socially awkward character that would have been easy to play as irredeemably annoying but that is mostly saved by Woodall’s work and his chemistry in some scenes with Raker.
However, there’s a crippling flaw in the writers’ understanding of “slasher” tropes. The original Friday the 13th is a roughly 90 minute movie. This movie is also roughly 90 minutes and, while there will be those who love it, it is nowhere within the same league as Friday the 13th or even any of the slashers that might be a tier or two below it when looking at the subgenre’s history. The reason for this is pacing. In Friday the 13th, there are kills fairly well-spaced throughout the film. By comparison, Porkchop has a kill before the opening credits and then is completely bloodless for roughly the next HOUR. So instead of a story with many kills throughout its storyline to keep interest, this movie decides to start slicing and dicing with reckless abandon far too late, choosing to focus on the characters and their relationships with each other instead. This isn’t a bad idea and does make the characters interesting and relatable, but there are ways to do that that keep the tension high instead of completely removing it and boring the audience to tears.
It should also be noted that there are a few characters and jokes in Porkchop that completely fall flat. The two hillbillies who run the store are pointless, over-the-top, and get WAY too much screentime. As for failed jokes, the most glaring example is a completely and totally out-of-place extended poop “joke” involving a drunken Ian and a fireplace. While there is some great crass humor here (a sex scene in the movie ends up having a beautifully tasteless coda, for instance), this particular joke is an example of the writers trying to stretch the comedy a little too far.
Porkchop is an admirable and unique homage to 80s slashers and low-budget, shot-on-video filmmaking. It gets plenty of elements right that other movies of its ilk utterly fail at including likeable characters and a surreal sense of humor. However, it’s paced so slowly that it takes far too long to reach Porkchop’s reign of terror and ends up coming across as unforgivably dull. Writer-director Eamon Hardiman has definite talent, but this particular effort is only good for a curiosity rental at best.
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