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All Superheroes Must Die (2013) Review

All Superheroes Must Die (2013) Review

January 14, 2013
By Matt Molgaard - Staff Writer
All Superheroes Must Die feels rushed, from the jump. It’s as if Jason Trost, who writes, directs and fronts the picture, grabbed a seat, jotted down a draft of a film, and said “I’m ready to go”, about four drafts before such was the actual case. The shakeups in logical thought are staggering.

All Superheroes Must Die Poster

Release Date: January 4th, 2013 VOD
Directed By: Jason Trost
Written By: Jason Trost


Jason Trost as Charge / John

Lucas Till as Cutthroat / Ben

Sophie Merkley as Shadow / Jill

Lee Valmassy as The Wall / Charlie

James Remar as Rickshaw

All Superheroes Must Die is one of the funniest genre pieces to hit the market in years. The problem is it isn’t supposed to be. This one is so bad it surpasses “so bad, it’s good” and heads right into “dreadful” territory. Redeeming qualities are few and far between and the flaws, both technical and logical are glaring, to be kind. The one thing the picture manages however, is to be memorable, sadly, for all the wrong reasons.

This one feels like a rush-job gone as wrong as possible, no two ways about it.

The idea behind All Superheroes Must Die is fairly interesting: a group of former friends, now estranged from one another and (seemingly) jaded, superheroes, wake to find that they’ve been drugged and kidnapped. Their powers have been rendered useless due to the effects of the drug, and their captor has put them in a position which will force them to the edge of their physical abilities. Like these superheroes, the town’s innocent have been kidnapped, but they’ve been bound and rigged with explosives. These four former pals are forced into two groups, and sent out into the dark abandoned streets to locate certain challenges, or puzzles. If they can reach the obstacle, and solve the riddle within five minutes, they’ll save the lives (if only it were that simple) of those bound and gagged, awaiting a quick but jarring death. As the games begin pressures mount and threaten to tear these four even further apart than they already were.

Think The Avengers, starring in Saw.

However, Charge is no Captain America, Shadow is no Black Widow and The Wall is no Iron Man. Interestingly enough, Cutthroat could probably be an awesome young Batman if you dyed his hair. He’s brooding enough. The truth behind these characters is this: they’re all rather laughable. Cutthroat has got what looks like a slab of tarpaulin tied around his neck to form the worst “cape” you’ll ever see, The Wall looks profoundly hokey, and the natural perma-grin on actor Lee Valmassy’s face doesn’t help the cause, at all. Despite these outlandish appearances, the most noteworthy player in this pack however, is Charge, who after throwing on a backpack, looks spot on like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. No joke, the dude looks like a Ninja Turtle. It’s all hilarious in a painfully sad way.

The thing about All Superheroes is, it feels rushed, from the jump. It’s as if Jason Trost, who writes, directs and fronts the picture, grabbed a seat, jotted down a draft of a film, and said “I’m ready to go”, about four drafts before such was the actual case. The shakeups in logical thought are staggering. We’re talking about mistakes that a child wouldn’t make, let alone a full grown man or woman who have opted to pursue vigilante justice. Need an example? How about this for one: The Wall and Shadow are just informed they’ve got five minutes to trek around town, find their first challenge and have at it. What’s the first thing they do? Casually stop on a corner to ponder the whole ordeal. That’s not something a rational human being does. A rational human being is solving that riddle while in motion; these guys are on foot for heaven’s sake. Need another example (there are countless to be dished out)? How about this: superhero gets stabbed, viciously in the torso, you know, where all those vital organs are, what’s his partner say to him in an attempt to sooth him as life slowly fades away? How about, “hey, how ya doin?”? His guts are ripped to shreds, he’s bleeding out and he knows it, how do you think he’s doing?! These misfires are detectable from beginning to end, and they pop up far too frequently to ever even contemplate taking this one seriously.

I believe there is a quality story buried in this movie, but it’s buried really deep.

Had the challenges and traps at least been impressive, the film might have a single leg to stand on, but even the destruction in this movie is pitiful. A fuse burning, it can’t be put out… oh my lord! Really? How about these devastating explosive devices affixed to the victims? They’re only devastating because they don’t appear to be remotely near fatal. These are the kind of explosive mishaps that lead to embarrassing facial scarring, not a casket. I mean that, the “big bang” consists of a loud pop and a lot of dirt flying about… It’s all just so embarrassing that as a viewer you start to feel a bit bad for Trost, because it’s highly, highly unlikely he sat back, watched the film for the first time and thought anything other than damn, why didn’t I fix that?

While we're asking questions, I propose one myself: If Rickshaw intends on killing all of the bound victims anyway, whether his riddles be solved or not, why are these jokers even playing his game? Eh, better to just move on, that's a completely different distraction that'll have me ranting for an additional three paragraphs, and this film doesn't really merit that kind of time.

Had Jason Trost leaned on an intentionally comedic angle, this flick could have been thrice the piece it is now. The fact that he maintains a dark mood, and omits purposeful laughs works against the production, violently. The bleak vibe of the film is completely counter-productive, and generates a full blown disconnect with the viewer. The fact that there’s zero real synergy within the group, and not a likeable character to be found between the four focal superheroes, all but ensures the earth be chucked on the wood of this film’s casket. Forget about the nails, they were hammered in rather early… like… the moment we meet the ensemble, and see that damn Ninja Turtle.

A quick note before departure: James Remar was awesome! What he was doing in this film isn’t quite understandable (we all need to pay the bills right). That said, the quality of his performance was as out of place as every other element of the flick, so I guess in a way it all works out… kind of.



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January 18, 2013
With a budget of $20k a 2.9 imdb rating is a compliment... but all things considered this looks awful.
February 18, 2013
I disagree with most of your comments.
By: John
I mean no disrespect\, but your review is heavy handed and rushed. Yes\, the fuse could not be put out\, its possible or perhaps you are not aware of facts such the candle that can't be blown out\, been around since the 50s. Or the fact napalm and other accelerants can burn in water. THe heroes have to play his game\, because he had a remote that destroys the town\, including them since they are in town! Duh!! I admit the film is not perfect and rushed\, but not to the degree you are saying. I liked the flashbacks the reveal that Charge never had any powers\, so while the heroes used to using their powers to easily beat the villain\, are now helpless and stupid. Charge made himself a hero and it shows how he is the only one trained to fight to the end on this one. Maybe you should look back on your review and say why didn't I fix that?! Another thing that bugs me\, this is an independent film and you compare it to Big budget established comic properties\, you mock the characters\, ok some of them deserve it a little\, Ill give your that. Why did James Remar do this film? are you seriously asking that? Do you even watch any of his films except the big ones were he's almost always the villain or tv shows. Why don't you review children shows\, hmmm. I know you probably think I'm an jerk\, but read your review again and tell me that you can honestly say to didn't take pop shots just because you personally not professionally disliked the film.
March 5, 2013
By: Tad
Jason trost made the movie with only 1,000+. And its actually good for such a low budget. Sorry there wasn't a massive green monster to say 2 words and destroy a ripped off version of the worm monster from Transformers 3. But hey, Genius is often treated badly, and crap is praised. Atleast he's being original. But originality is frowned upon\, as no one can think for themselves.
March 27, 2013
By: ridiculous
It really doesnt matter what you say about whatever\, there will literally ALWAYS be someone who wants to disagree with you. This movie was shit. It doesn't matter if you try to bag on the Avengers (Billion dollar box office) this movie was shit. Go fuck your contrarian ass.
April 11, 2013
Right on the head
By: Thanks but no
You've nailed it. This movie is crap. The premise is stupid\, the acting is awful and all of these whiners need to face the fact that they have bad taste.
May 2, 2013
Totally Amateurish
By: huntermc
Yeah\, it sounded like an interesting concept\, but I didn't realize it was more like someone's film school project.
May 2, 2013
By: faglklk
It was a low budget film... And the acting wasn't even bad\, if anything it was just as good as any other movies actors.
May 11, 2013
VS.\, refreshing film festival entry
By: Ray Mola
This is a terrible horror movie\, but I love a fresh idea created with limited means. It really highlights that an ensamble of traditional comic archetypes can pulled off in a theatrical format\, it accomplished more than any cable or sci-fy channel movie ever dreamed. Meanwhile WB can't pull the trigger on a JLA movie\, the fearless approach really shakes up what you expect from a movie in the super hero genre\, maybe with a director like fede Alvarez could put the gory spin horror fans were looking for
July 28, 2013
WTF is this...
By: allsuperheroesmustlive
Ahhh... How terrible... WHOA WHOA WHOA... It's a HORROR... Never watch in Nightime! T^T SCARED~!!!!! Need a friend to watch this... I'VE BEEN WAITING... HORROR! >^<
August 2, 2013
By: ComicFanatic Man
This movie starts out great and goes absolutely nowhere. And i didnt see it as horror just a violent superhero movie. With every frame this movie went down hill for me....and the anti climatic ending put the nail in the coffin for me\, Truly excited when I heard about this film extremely disappointed when I finally it.
August 10, 2013
the necessity of hiring a 5 year old to look over plans
By: Joe
"We’re talking about mistakes that a child wouldn’t make, ..." ---funny how often that happens. Even in real life.
August 12, 2013
Not Understanding The Hate
Where the word horror is applied makes no sense. It was a dark superhero movie. The villain\, maybe not so much his mentality\, but his brutality was actually that of a villain. Sorry there wasn't magic and robots and superpowers everywhere. If this movie starred Batman\, Flash\, Superman\, Wonder Woman and Lex Luthor or The Joker it would be considered a masterpiece.
September 1, 2013
This sound and looks terrible
By: James
"Their powers have been rendered useless due to the effects of the drug, and their captor has put them in a position which will force them to the edge of their physical abilities." So basically like every other horror movie out there. Why say they were superheroes when they don't actually USE their superhero abilities. What a dumb premise for a movie.

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