The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror is Bad. REALLY Bad.
The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror massacres every gay stereotype and comes complete with the bastard child of a hundred Republican convention delegates. Yikes.
Written by The Horror Czar, Don Sumner
August 5, 2008
Release: November 18, 2008 (DVD, U.S.)
Written and Directed by: Jaymes Thompson
Starring:
Derek Long as Mike
Mari Marks as Helen
Vinny Markus as Dom
Noah Naylor as Manfred
Jim Polivka as Rodney
Allie Rivenbark as Brenda
Hilary Schwartz as Starr
Michael Soldier as Alex
Maria Tomas as Anetta
Watch The Trailer Here!
From the opening number featuring a Nancy Sinatra-esque singer warbling “Watch Out for the Straights” I knew I was in trouble with The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror. Okay, from the time that I opened the envelope containing a requested screener for another movie and noticed that there was a “bonus” DVD thrown in that I hadn’t asked for and read the title THEN I knew I was in trouble, yeah, but how bad could it be?
Pretty damn bad. Really, really, REALLY bad. So bad that I couldn’t stop watching for fear that I might miss another really bad part. So bad that I rolled on the floor laughing in spite of the fact that it was all so… Wrong.
Several gay couples are introduced in the beginning, each covering a stereotype in modern gay culture. There is the “Leather Daddy” and his “boy” (who also happens to be a drag queen), a hard-bodied Twink with the older (and wealthier) Troll and the “Log Cabin Republicans” clean-cut couple (complete with ‘hag’) to round out the men and the “Lipstick Lesbian” hot chick couple and a “Granola” couple complete with folk guitars fill in the girl side. The psychotic owner of the B&B and her spastic daughter round out the cast of characters and everyone is looking forward to a lovely weekend at The Blue Party.
Except, the B&B owner Helen (Mari Marks) has another agenda. It seems that daughter Luella (Georgia Jean) has a little problem with liking girls instead of boys and ole’ Mom intends to fix that. How you ask? By “converting” one of the gay male guests thereby saving him from Satan and procuring a husband for the odd Luella at the same time. But there’s a problem – there are just too many people at the Inn for Helen to put her fiendish plan in action… the group will just have to be thinned out in the bloodiest way possible. What’s more, the scary child “Manfred” (Noah Naylor) has escaped and he’s hungry for flesh.
The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror is a difficult film to review. What to focus on… acting? Script? Mood? Uh, outfits? None of those categories seem quite right, but there are a few particular elements that make me laugh just thinking about them, including:
• The hot chick that carries around an empty ice bucket for about 30 minutes
• Hot, fresh mincemeat muffins.
• Sweater Set and Darrin Stevens.
• Kitten-head rabbit fur purse… from Tuscany.
• Skipping, Dancing and Singing Nun rejoicing in Jesus.
• Bastard Child of a Hundred Republican Convention Delegates.
• I’m a good swimmer. Expert in fact. In JUDO!
That pretty much sums up The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror.
Add in a crazy kid that wears trash bags over his legs and a head or
two falling from the rafters and you’ve survived it. Don’t
be surprised if you end up having to watch again… just to
confirm that it was really as bad as you thought. Questions or comments about The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror? Discuss it on The Ossuary Forums!!
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