The 2006 horror movie Trespassers brings up an important question:
Trespassers, by Ian McCrudden and Tim Tori, will make
you wonder if there should be a law against inaccurately comparing a
new film to a classic horror film. Read what the Zombie Master has to
say...
Release: 2006 Directed by: Ian McCrudden Written by: Ian McCrudden and Tim Tori
Starring: Michelle Borth as Ashley Alex Feldman as Lucky Jon Ada as Javier Kaiwi Lyman as Colin Joleigh Fioreavanti as Rose
I have been thinking (which usually leads to no good), there ought to
be a law against the improper use of classic movie titles to promote a
film. I am not asking for much, just something that states that
“if you compare a new horror movie with a classic horror movie
and it does not live up to the comparison, we have the right to rip off your appendages and beat you with them.”
Case in point: I buy a DVD that has written on the back “in the vein of Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead
, and other great zombie films”. I start the movie with
anticipation, popcorn and drink in hand, and 90 minutes later I am
thinking that it was more “in the vein of a piece of crap”.
I then start thinking, “how dare they defame the names of the
greats like that?” As a matter of fact, “how dare they even
call this a zombie movie?” I then started wishing for other forms
of retribution but none that I can think of are legal.
What movie could possibly put such thoughts in my head? I am so glad that you asked.
Trespassers starts out simple enough. A group of surfers have
found a great spot along the coast of Mexico. One of them calls his
younger brother to come down and meet them and spend some time
together. That night the group of surfers is attacked by something or
someone. We then are introduced to the main characters. Colin (Kaiwi
Lyman) is the younger brother that receives the invite from his older
brother, Ashley (Michelle Borth) is the girl who we never really find
out if she is dating Colin or not, Rose (Joleigh Fioreavanti) is
Ashley’s friend and apparently the “ho” of the group,
Javier (Jon Ada) is the surfer buddy of Colin who we later find out
(sort of) is gay, and Lucky (Alex Feldman) the unwanted, loner friend
of Colin and is the pervert of the bunch.
These five complete imbeciles
get to the beach and surf for a while, talk for a while, ride
motorcycles for a while and then start getting killed off by people
that don’t even resemble zombies but are actually closer in
relation to (as in total rip off) the creatures of 28 Days Later
I would love to be able to give you a better synopsis of Trespassers
but who ever they got to edit this film makes it impossible to extract
anything else out of the choppy and sometimes non-existent storyline.
Grandma was slow, but she was old…but when watching Trespassers I couldn’t wait for these idiots to die
so the movie would be over with sooner. At one point I actually yelled
at the television screen “ZOMBIES DO NOT EAT POTATO CHIPS”.
My family, who quit worrying about me a long time ago, thought I had
finally gone off the deep end.
Trespassers is a waste of money even when it hits the $1 bargain
bin, which it is destined for, but if you are a glutton for punishment
then do yourself a favor and wrap your head with duct tape so that when
it explodes you will have all of the pieces with you when you go to the
E.R.
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