Written
by BHM Contributor Dr. Chills October 10, 2007
Release:
2007 Directed by: Daryl Goldberg Written by: Daryl Goldberg and Sam Freeman
Staring:
Adrienne Barbeau as Martha Nichols Brendon as Lucas Siri Baruc as Hope
When I saw the ad banner for Unholy,
(Directed by Daryl Goldberg) on BHM’s website I was instantly
intrigued with the bi-line. “This is the movie they
don’t want you to see” My interest was piqued. Upon
seeing the trailer and reading the synopsis, I was psyched. I
couldn’t wait to see Unholy. In fact, not
only was I excited, I was actually a little scared. I was scared in
anticipation of a spellbinding and mind-bending horror rumpus involving
secret government experiments, Nazi’s, witches and time
travel, invisibility and mind control; the unholy trinity. I invited a
few friends over to share in the anticipated scare… We
popped the DVD into the player and were ready to be scared out of our
wits…
What became clear within minutes of
viewing the movie was that
it was absolutely, unequivocally, totally, completely and undeniably a
pile of horse crap. I even found myself yelling out in the middle of
the movie “I can’t believe how bad this
sucks!”
But I’m getting
ahead of myself. Unholy
begins with our heroine Martha (Adrienne Barbeau) buying sunflowers
because her daughter Hope (Siri Baruc) is celebrating a birthday. There
is a very creepy guy at the convenience store whose appearance and
demeanor alone should have sent Martha packing her bags and hightailing
it out of town, birthday or no birthday, but no. There would be no such
fleeing activity for Martha.
It was right around this time
that my guests and I began to
notice the awful sound quality in the movie. We adjusted the volume,
messed with the levels on the TV, but to no avail. Nothing could remedy
the poor sound emanating from the TV. So here we have Adrienne Barbeau,
Creepy farmer’s market guy and the ever present Crinkle,
Crunckle Crackle of background noises that really should not have been
making any sound at all.
Martha
leaves the farmers market and arrives home to find her
daughter Hope about to blow her brain out with a shot gun. This early
scene set the tone for the strangeness that would end up dominating the
entire film. Instead of calling the suicide hotline, Martha proceeds to
tell her daughter that she hates her, then plays a ghastly piece on the
piano that would have made anyone blow their brains out. Hope did
finally succeed in her dastardly act, but not before warning her mother
to beware of the experiment. What Hope should have said instead was
“beware of low budget independent films with bad sound,
mom.”
The plot
continues to unfold
with Hope’s brother Lucas (Nicholas Brendon) joining his
mother in an adventure through (what looks like) 1980’s rural
Pennsylvania in search of clues and answers as to why Hope killed
herself. Clothed in puffy 1980’s down jackets, the pair
engages on a journey of Nazism, murder, more suicide, intrigue,
violence and suspense. And even with all of that action, the movie was
still really lousy.
Unholy
is silly and it lacks cohesion and
believability. There was however, one redeeming part to the film.
Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what it is because to do so
would ruin the only possible reason one could have for seeing the
movie. Suffice it to say, this one cool and clever part almost makes
the painful viewing experience worth the while. Almost! Questions or comments about Unholy? Contact us!
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