Zombie Classification

by Rob
(Marina, CA, USA)

Hello Zombie Master,

Though others have tried, I think I have resolved the Zombie Classification issue. This is by no means a definitive list, and certainly open to amendment by others, if they are still alive. All feedback is welcome! It is my sincere hope to aid other zombie-hunters with this simplified Z.I.C. (Zombie Identification Code) system. Here goes:

1. Romeros
Slow, relentless, stupid (though there have been exceptions, like Bub and Big Daddy, who somehow retained a portion of their living intelligence after being zombified). Eats living flesh. Seem physically weak, unless a feeding frenzy commences over a trapped victim – in which case a burst of "zombidrenaline" grants them the strength to tear a body apart. Felled by brain trauma (head shot).

2. Russos
Vary between slow and moderately agile, relentless, reasonably intelligent, though enslaved to their hunger. Intelligent enough to retain a portion of their living personalities. Able to speak. Seem to prefer brains, over lower anatomy. They cannot be felled by a head shot. Only "die" after sufficient destruction of their bodies prevents them from functioning.

3. Snyders
Fast, vicious, relentless. Eats living flesh. Felled by head shot. Congregate in large masses rather than roaming aimlessly, as "Romeros" tend to.

4. Dargentos
Slow, relentless. Nearly identical to Romeros, only seem to have a sense of fashion awareness, and an aversion to religious paraphernalia. Skin closely resembles molded putty rather than decay. Not as preoccupied by feeding, but rather a need to rip victims apart. Attracted most to buxom women with big hair and European accents. Attack primarily at night.

5. Woods
Slow, mindless, with zero ambition. Do not feed. Attacks consist of ominous stalking, and only occasional killing of victims. All "Woods" are controlled by a device known as an "electrode gun" used primarily by aliens with nice haircuts, semi-Arthurian theatre costumes and a compulsion to speak in Screenwriting 101 pompous blather.

Rob
Marina, CA

Rob,

This is great work and one I think needs expanding. I suggest that you post this as a new thread on the "zombie invasion" topic at The Ossuary. This is something that I believe could expanded with the collective minds that we have amassed.

Good hunting and aim high,

The Zombie Master